In Gardening, There is No Winner

My competitive drive is untamable. My friends all sabotage our taboo and scrabble games because they love to see how completely disconcerted I become when I realize that they are breaking the rules or that I am losing. I would not say that I am a particularly sore loser, but I will admit that I love to win. I am an extremely hard worker, and I like to always keep my goals in sight. Yet, as a gardener, my competitiveness made me a failure.

Ed kept telling me that gardening is not a race. Regardless, I kept trying to make each aspect of the experience into one. I had each of my peers pick a plant, and we wanted ours to grow the fastest and the highest. I wanted to put the seeds in the ground as soon as possible, thinking that the faster they grew, the quicker we would reach the finish line.

I quickly learned that there is no finish line in gardening, and that if it could be considered a sport at all, it would be a team one. Gardening is all about quality – the quality of the vegetables as well as the quality of the experience. Moreover, to attain this quality, one needs time, patience, and acceptance. I have learned that trying to “win” at gardening is setting one’s self up for failure because nature is not perfect. Plants will die, bugs will infest, and weather will do whatever the hell it feels like doing. There is more to gardening than having the perfect garden.

I realized that with our garden, and with life in general, I attempt to make everything a race that should really just be a journey. I went to the garden at sunset today to reflect on the garden experience thus far. The conclusion I came to was that I got as much out of just visiting the garden as I could out of eating its vegetables. I feel centered when I am there, and I love how grounded I feel so close to nature and her most magical of processes. I do not need the most luscious vegetables in order to get something out of gardening.

At the garden tonight, I could not help but reflect again on how lucky I am to have this application of learning in the real world. I cannot wait to continue working with my classmates and caring for the garden this summer. I know that the eating and nurturing of the garden will vary greatly from the prepping process, and I cannot wait to learn even more then.

Staring at the sunset at the garden tonight, my mind instantly went to Leslie Marmon Silko and the conclusion of her novel Ceremony. This book is very special to me, and it informs how I live my life and connect with those around me. The final words of Silko’s novel perfectly reflect how I feel about this entire experience: “Sunrise, / accept this offering, / Sunrise” (244). Although I was taking in the garden beside a sunset rather than a sunrise, I felt like I was on the brink of a new beginning.

I am about to graduate and start my adult life. Who I am from here on out is completely on me. The garden represents the future that I foresee for myself because I want to live a life where I am a conscious consumer and really connected to the world around me. I want to grow my own food, spend time outside, and really connect with those around me. I think that as a society, we have lost a lot of our connection to the physical world and intimate connection with each other. The garden is the antithesis of this, and that is the life I want for myself.

Just as Silko points out, a new beginning also means that I have to give something up, an “offering.” I love this Silko quote because I have learned to completely give myself up to the garden over the past few weeks. I have learned to enjoy the journey, be in the moment, and to be patient. I leave my phone on the side when I enter the garden, and I try to become a part of my surroundings as much as possible. In giving up some pieces of myself, I have learned to become a part of something larger. I am a part of a larger cycle of life and death, as well as community, when I am at or tending to the garden. Sometimes, letting go of ourselves is a good thing. And if I have to learn to let go, I am so happy that it is at this garden and with all of you!